I was born into a Muslim family and shaped my earliest understanding of God. My childhood wasn’t easy — I went through abuse that left me questioning how a good God could allow so much pain. As I got older, that hurt turned into rebellion and I made choices I’m not proud of particularly after I lost my mum at 17!

For years I wrestled with God, but even at my lowest I couldn’t shake the sense that something can’t come from nothing. Deep down, it was harder to believe God didn’t exist than to believe He did. Later in adulthood, things finally started to make sense as I began to see purpose woven through my pain. My search to understand Allah is what eventually led me to Jesus — something I never expected, and the journey has been anything but easy.

This blog is my way of sharing that journey — an honest look at what it feels like to be an ex‑Muslim seeking God. One day, I hope it will help me share my story with my family. And I hope it encourages anyone who finds themselves where I once stood.